hope.. lost.

Tried running today after two days off… not that the two days off helped my numb legs. Awful. I had thoughts about a long run and had mapped 13 km stretch a week ago that didn’t look too bad on the map. Went driving to see what it was like hill wise and it was not too bad. I believe that it is worse than it looks with long stretched of slow rising hills.. however it did not seem to be the up and down, up and down of my regular runs.

All that was for not though as I quickly realized that if I had to bail on the run because of my legs I was screwed. There was no shortcut back to the car so I went out to a stretch that I knew was not so tough and about 5 K out and back.

Anyway.. good thing I changed routes because I could not even do 5 km. My legs are dead. The 30 km wind did not help but hills and wind were no excuse.. My was having a hard time putting one leg in front of the other with the left foot routinely scraping the pavement as I brought it forward on the first km.. flat.. with the wind at my back.

I think it is time to give up. GBS wins. Amazing how in the span of a week I went from thinking about entering a couple 10 km runs and thinking I could finish middle of the pack .. Between 50-60 min.. To today when I cannot even finish 5 km.

Ruff Week

Well it is a slow and frustrating week here for me. What ever I have, be it GBS or not is (the Dr's don't really know what is wrong with me) really starting to get to me. There was a period that I thought it was getting better. That the numbness I felt in my legs and feet was slowing but surely fading away.

However this last week has been brutal. My legs have been dead. Tried running a couple of times.. easy runs.. yet I struggled on each one.. Nothing left to give at the end of each one.. and at least 1 min per mile added to my usual pace. What is now worse it has spread from my feet to my knees all the way up to my rib cage. The legs I don’t think are as numb as before by my abs and lower back.. You could stab me and I might not even know it. Went to bed last night wondering if it was going to reach my lungs/heart while I slept.. and if I would wake.

Anyway it has gotten past the point of trying to be positive.. In fact, I can’t even fake being positive to help the ones I care about. I guess the one bright side is that nobody has called me to tell me I tested positive for MS. Fuck this sucks.