hope.. lost.

Tried running today after two days off… not that the two days off helped my numb legs. Awful. I had thoughts about a long run and had mapped 13 km stretch a week ago that didn’t look too bad on the map. Went driving to see what it was like hill wise and it was not too bad. I believe that it is worse than it looks with long stretched of slow rising hills.. however it did not seem to be the up and down, up and down of my regular runs.

All that was for not though as I quickly realized that if I had to bail on the run because of my legs I was screwed. There was no shortcut back to the car so I went out to a stretch that I knew was not so tough and about 5 K out and back.

Anyway.. good thing I changed routes because I could not even do 5 km. My legs are dead. The 30 km wind did not help but hills and wind were no excuse.. My was having a hard time putting one leg in front of the other with the left foot routinely scraping the pavement as I brought it forward on the first km.. flat.. with the wind at my back.

I think it is time to give up. GBS wins. Amazing how in the span of a week I went from thinking about entering a couple 10 km runs and thinking I could finish middle of the pack .. Between 50-60 min.. To today when I cannot even finish 5 km.

Ruff Week

Well it is a slow and frustrating week here for me. What ever I have, be it GBS or not is (the Dr's don't really know what is wrong with me) really starting to get to me. There was a period that I thought it was getting better. That the numbness I felt in my legs and feet was slowing but surely fading away.

However this last week has been brutal. My legs have been dead. Tried running a couple of times.. easy runs.. yet I struggled on each one.. Nothing left to give at the end of each one.. and at least 1 min per mile added to my usual pace. What is now worse it has spread from my feet to my knees all the way up to my rib cage. The legs I don’t think are as numb as before by my abs and lower back.. You could stab me and I might not even know it. Went to bed last night wondering if it was going to reach my lungs/heart while I slept.. and if I would wake.

Anyway it has gotten past the point of trying to be positive.. In fact, I can’t even fake being positive to help the ones I care about. I guess the one bright side is that nobody has called me to tell me I tested positive for MS. Fuck this sucks.

Earth Hour and Candles.. Don't Mix

Wow… Today started out as such a great day. And then something set me right off!

I awoke the way a human was meant to wake up… by the warming rays of the early morning sunlight. Inspired by the day to come and maybe just the coffee I injected into my system I decided that a morning run was in order!

Anyone that knows me.. knows I am not a morning person. Mornings are meant for my parents. So anyway.. I run.. suck in lots of fresh air out in the glorious morning… almost 10 miles done.. 1.5 hours down and it is now noon. After some recovery I see a new follower on twitter.. Some person who aspires to be green. Great I think!

So I read his page.. Candle Light Vigil on parliament hill tonight to celebrate Earth Day or Earth hour.. or what ever these posers want to call it. Now you are probably thinking that this is an awesome idea.. but stop and take a breath.

Does burning .. I repeat .. Burning .. a candle to celebrate the fact that you turned out your lights really make sense? Candles give off pollutants.. In fact I would suspect that in Canada burning a candle gives of way more pollutants than my 15 watt CFL. Factor in that a percentage of that power is created though truly green initiatives like hydro dams, wind power and solar power.. I would suspect way less!

Anyway this is a pretty lame post but it really threw me for a loop that a person who claims to be an active environmentalist would suggest and promote such a ridiculous idea that will probably do more harm than good!

For those that really want to be green, don’t be a poser and celebrate earth hour. The hydro plants have a surplus of electricity at night anyway.. Do some real good and reduce your foot print on the world EVERY DAY. Recycle more, produce less garbage, drive less, plant a tree…. Don’t burn a candle!

You are probably asking what am I doing today.. Well.. I did not turn on my hot water tank last night.. The weather is at a point where my solar hot water system is self-sustainable and produces enough hot water for me without the need for electricity. I cooked 8 chicken breasts at once last night and froze them.. saving roughly 3 hours of oven operation… I won’t light my scented candles! lol

If you want the research.. Someone did it for me! You should read this..

Earth Hour, candles and carbon

Man falls 5000 feet and survives, only to be killed and eaten by wild bears

Have you ever had one of those moments in life? One of those moments that just seems to be out of the ironic book of life? “Man falls 5000 feet and survives, only to be killed and eaten by wild bears”. Have you?

I don’t think I have ever had one of those… until now.

I am not sure how to even write this? Over the years I had let my weight spiral out of control to the point it was always a battle of the bulge. Just before I turned 39 I had realized that I was getting older and slower and this extra weight was not helping me compete against younger players.. who seemed to be getting younger every year.

So I did something about it. I picked up a book, The abs diet from Men’s Health. I read a book! And I incorporated its teachings into my life. After years of abuse I revved up my metabolism again!

I bought a treadmill so I would walk in the winter months to keep the metabolism fire burning.. The problem was, I hated walking on the treadmill. So One day I started running. Not much, not fast, but enough that 2 miles did not take me 40 minutes! The next day, I ran more. Then more, then longer and longer. Pretty soon I was able to run a full mile without quitting. Then it was 20 minutes… 2 miles.. 3 miles. I was hooked. I started a program in the summer to train for a half marathon. Was following it to the letter until a pulled hamstring from ball hockey forced me to modify it.. Then a more sever tear forced me to stop it for a while… Got up and back on the horse near the end of the summer.. This time a back injury

Things were looking up! A year later I was thinner, happier, more confident.. and then I got dumped. Two weeks later I turned 40.. two weeks after that I spent Christmas alone, 3 weeks after that the company I worked for filed for bankruptcy protection. WTF?

I then reconnected with an old friend who was one of my inspirations for running. We browsed many sites, read articles, forwarded each other articles, talked about things we found, did.. Well really I more listened but I want a little credit! J Life took an upswing again… Things looked good! I had things to look forward to again!

Then the flu hit me. I had just stated a new training program and in the second week I was couch ridden. The next week I took it easy and just ran a couple of 3 mile runs making sure I did not wear my body out (I did that last year). The next week I started the program up again! Today would have been my 8 mile long run for week 1.

However, I am writing this from a hospital bed. Seems that flu bug I had had a chemical make up similar to nerve endings. Also seems that maybe the antibodies did not stop at the flu bug but anything that looked like it. As a result, my lower limbs started going numb. My feet went numb.. and I went to the emergency.

The first one fast traced me into a dr. I thought that it was a small town so they were not busy. They asked some questions did some simple tests and got on the phone to Ottawa. “You should go to the Ottawa Civic and see a neurologists”

OK so what, I take some pill for now and see the specialist in 6 months when he has an opening?

No, you leave here and go directly there. They know you are coming. Go to the emergency and give them this.

So I do what they say.. Except I stop at home, pack an overnight bag because I think I will stay the night at my townhouse rather than drive back to the cottage.

Oh screw it.. I am tried of typing! Long story short, I got a LOT of special treatment and rushed into test ahead of others, into a bed. And diagnosed with Guillain-Barre Syndrome (GBS). Turns out it could kill me but only in rare cases they tell me.. Could paralyze me.. Could do a lot of stuff. Could never go away.

SO I sit there in the observation room thinking still.. OK where is my pill I am ready to go home when I overhear the nursing staff and drs talking outside my door. “Oh Jesus, that can degrade fast.” My first reality check.. I was not going home!

It is really fun to have to constantly report where the numbness in my limbs is ending and being told that if it goes higher than my knees that I needed to tell them.. ANY shortness of breath or chest pains, buzz then stat. And then I read abut this shit.. how your own bleeping body is attacking itself and can attack the nerves to the point that your lungs and or heart stop working! Yikes. Here I thought that the fact I had little to no sensation in my pecker was bad (he is after all the most important and most under appreciated person in my life:).. Death is worse!!

Oh well I am going out for another walk while I can. They keep trying to put me into a wheelchair and I keep telling them.. as long as I can walk, I am!” ..

Michelle I hope that you have not found my blog before I get out of here!

“Man drops 50 lbs, gets in shape, finds a passion in life as he turns 40.. then drops dead”. That hopefully will not be my ironic ending.

Runners are from outer space

“The thing about running for enjoyment is that it can't be explained by those who get it”

There are many reasons to run and people often look at me like I am from outer space when I tell them “I run for the enjoyment of running”. It is becoming increasingly apparent that you have to be a runner to understand the phenomena.

Wow, did I just classify myself as a runner? Eek.

So the question people can’t seem to understand the answers to

1) It clears the mind. It can almost be classed as spiritual! Stressed out, can’t get your most recent fight off my mind… strap on a pair of shoes, wire up your ipod and your fav tunes and head out for a short run. You may be shocked to find that you are 4 miles down the road with a clear mind before you realize it.. Good luck getting back J

2) The high. Yes behind all aches, pains and stiffness there is an endorphin release that your mind is telling your body.. Fight though this.. I like it! Maybe it is the fact that your mind is now clear (see #1).

3) The confidence. Every time you run, you complete something. As long as you set realistic goals you can push yourself to meet them. Job well done. Some days you will push though the wall and break your goals (and thus setting new ones!). Excellent. Some weeks you may do this 5 times!

This usually translates into real world success too, at least for me. I am far more confident today about everything I do, the way I look, how I interact with people than I was 2 years ago. Hey even when you fail, you still completed a run, which is more than the average person can say! There is always a start and an end to every run!

A tip for someone out of shape thinking it would be demoralizing to be seen running. I was 275 lbs when I started running.. Could not run a mile without stopping… was embarrassed how I must look to an observer.. but the cars honking for encouragement, people waving and the neighbors that comment on how awesome it is that you are doing it.. was wonderful! Not a single person ever put me down.. and a year later I am almost 50 lbs lighter and able to run 10 miles with 5 miles being an easy/average run.

4) A more positive outlook on things.. See #3. How can you not be more positive?

5) The ability to converse with other runners on running subjects that is almost like an exclusive club at first but as you run more, more closet runners come out of the wood work and before you know it you have a whole new click of good friends.. It helps (I find at least) that most runners are not judgmental. It does not matter if you run a 7 min mile or a 13 min mile.. You ran a mile and you get to talk about all these great facts!! Get to share tips, experiences and so on. It is all fun.

There are lots more reasons and I could probably go on and on about what I get out of lacing up a pair of shoes but I won’t. I am sure that it is different for each person so if you want to figure out your reasons throw out the excuses, strap on those shoes, and just do it.

I do often wonder how it must be to have completed a marathon? If you can run 26 miles and push though the pain and exhaustion you must have the mental capability to push though almost anything life throws your way.

“If you want to run, run a mile. If you want to experience a different life, run a marathon." – Emil Zatopek, Olympic Gold Medalist.. With credit to Michelle who sent that to me.. and she would know completing the ING Ottawa Marathon in 2008.

environmentalist at heart

It may surprise some people to know that I am an environmentalist. I live every day trying to reduce my footprint on the world. It does not always have to be big changes and it does not even have to be changes that really affect one but reducing your footprint on mother earth can be easy and not even affect your day to day life. For myself I have made some simple changes; some that cost money and consumed my own resources J and others cost next to nothing!

In the past my morning use to start at 7 AM when I woke up and had a hot shower to wake my out of my slumber and prepare me for the day to come. Afterwords I would putter around for 10 min and then let my dog out to do her duties. Often I would notice while standing outside, coffee in hand waiting for the pup to complete her task that 10 min after my shower, my gas hot water heater would still be running and made a mental note and went on with my day.

Arriving home at 4 PM the first thing I would do is let my dog outside. I would also make a mental note that the hot water system was running and preparing for the evening usage. Observing the usage on the water heater over time I concluded that a fully heated system would lose its heat over an 8-hour period even though there was no usage. This seemed like a waste to me! Even without using the system it had to reheat the water 3 times a day. Looking at my usage.. I needed hot water about every 8 hours and realized it ran about 6 times a day, 15 min a shot.

The solution.. a 9 dollar programmable timer with a remote control (my gas heater will not ignite unless the exhaust fan is running and that exhaust fan plugs into a standard wall outlet). I then took some time to determine when I needed hot water and how much I needed and how long a burn required to satisfy my needs. When all was done, I had spent $9 and my existing infrastructure and created a hot water on demand system which when refined over 2 years produced a 50% reduction in my natural gas consumption.

For bigger changes.. at my cottage I installed a solar hot water generator which allows me to run 99% off the grid in the summer months and helps preheat the water in the winter requiring less hydro overall. Also swapped out that 30 year old inefficient oil burning furnace for a high efficiency propane (saving me over $1000 a year!) and installed a clean and efficient fire place insert, added insulation to the attic, adding vapour barrier to the ceiling, CFLs everywhere, even the auto sensing outdoor floodlights (I want to see those skunks before I walk out at night!)

So onto my bigger question. Governments are fast to tell us to reduce but what are they doing to help? While driving though the city I often stare in amazement at the number of street lights burning away. I actually get mad at the number of street lights burning away lighting up the highways! The last time I checked, every car was mandated to have functioning headlights that illuminated the high way in front of you. Do I really need 1000 street lights burning to do the same job? 8 hours a night? It is not like pedestrians are walking down the side of the highway so you cannot tell me it is a safety feature!

My only conclusion is that hydro plants have an evening surplus and need to burn it. This is a best-case scenario for the cities but really isn’t there better ways to burn a surplus of electricity?

My first thought is that hydrogen is the fuel of the future. Production of hydrogen requires electricity. Obviously cold fusion is not a reality yet but if there is a surplus in the evening, would it not make sense to burn that surplus producing hydrogen for future consumption rather than lighting up highways for cars with built in lights?

I have often also wondered what is done with the excess gas that sewage plants capture and store. I had wondered why dumps were not used for the resources they give off. I am very happy to see that many dumps now capture the fumes given off by composting garbage to power generators. I have seen where the city of Toronto pulls cold water out of lake Ontario to cool buildings rather than using standard air conditioning. There are all kinds of good ideas around it is just making sure we implement them to the best of our abilities! We are making progress but it seems to be too slow, and I think that governments can be the role model in ensuring that the existing resources are being used to the best of their abilities!

Losing traction on Technology.. and spinning out of control

As I sit here pondering life, love and my place in the world I often wonder when and how I lost my grip on all this technology! All this new computer technology and new socializing techniques use to fascinate me and I was always thrilled to investigate new things.

I first joined the Internet revolution in 1998 and can remember my first day using ICQ. It was a weird sensation talking to my best friend via the Internet. That same day my little personal experience with this new and strange technology exploded into a new realm when out chat because a 4 way chat and I was introduced to a complete stranger for the first time.. via the internet! I was hooked.

I often wonder what ever happened to ICQ. I use to remember how much fun it was to pass some time using the random feature to randomly find complete strangers to talk to. It was fun meeting new people, making new friends all around the world. I made some great friends, had some relationships, and some hook-ups… all thanks to ICQ.

I can also remember how fascinating it was to use a new chat program called pow-wow that made it easy for lazy people to chat. You see, pow-wow used text-2-speech technology to read back the messages you received. No need to even read anymore!

It wasn’t that I was too lazy to read.. it was the simple fun listening to the computer pronounce words. It was hilarious to send clips for farts, burps or sex jokes. I still remember getting daffy duck getting a sexual favour from some unknown entity.. or maybe himself.. it was never really clear how the “happy ending” came about, but it was funny listening to Daffy having it.

Things spiraled from there. I was hooked and as my friends branched out from ICQ I found myself using MSN, AIM, YAHOO and other programs to keep in touch with my new friends. People also often had 2 different accounts.. One for the general population and one for people they actually wanted to talk to!

Over the years however this became a death spiral. I simply knew too many people on too many applications so I deleted everything except MSN. It seemed to be the in thing. That progressed to the point I am at today. I have 50 times more people on my deleted/blocked list than on my friends list. Of my friends list, I have everyone except 3 people set to invisible and I always log in as invisible and basically use it as an email notification system.

Why the change? Porn. Like everything in life, advertising takes over and ruins everything. . I can guarantee that going online will produce 2 messages in the first 5 minutes from some bot program sending random messages pretending to be some oversexed 18 year old hottie looking to show herself on cam. I often wonder just how stupid people are and how many of these idiots actually respond thinking that they are about to get lucky? When all that may happen is their credit cards get drained or their identity stolen.

Porn is the ultimate evolution of the advertising world. First it was the television when someone realized that people got up during commercials so they cranked up the volume of the ads. You have no idea how much this pisses me! My current pet peeve is TSN and their one self-promotion that runs for about 15 seconds. It seems to run mostly late at night, often when I have the volume just loud enough so I catch key phrases for some item I may be interested in… and then suddenly I am rocked out of my chair by this 15 second, earth pounding barrage that kicks in the sub woofer, rattles the china and wakes the dead.

Then came the doorknockers. My neighbourhood is so filled with kids and schools, recovering drug addicts and “energy” sales people that I don’t even answer my door unless someone calls me first. I thought JW was bad but at least they only came preaching the word of their god a couple times a year and not every single night. Really what other religion goes door to door to sell themselves? Does it really work? If you know the answer, please don’t keep me in suspense. Please come by the house, knock on the door and wait for an answer!

One new technology that I know I could not live without.. Call display! Telemarketers are the cockroaches of the phone system. I love getting calls late at night, during dinner, on the weekend or even worse on a holiday and have someone try to sell me something. These companies have gotten so lazy that it is not even a real person anymore but a recording. If you are lucky you can get transferred to a live person… from India so you can take out your frustrations on them for being disturbed. Therefore today I screen calls based on the caller ID like Balco screening it MLB players prior to random drug testing.

There is one thing that is a pet peeve for many but I am thankful that it exists. SPAM. I love spam. I love those emails about a sick child or someone being paid 5 cents for every email address an article is sent to. You may find this confusing but don’t. I work in the telecommunications industry so you see, the more spam that circles the world, the more bandwidth telco’s need and thus the more equipment they must buy! So please the next time you get annoying spam, think of the poor telecommunications/networking employees that need your help to keep their job.

Something else that is on a similar topic and also fun is junk mail. When you get some JM that has a postage paid return envelope, don’t just toss it into the garbage. Instead fill it up with another flyer from the local pizza place and toss it into the mail. You are promoting the postal system who have to handle the item and the employees that must open the item.. all at the cost of the company that thought it wise to send it in the first place. Funny story.. I use to write “penthouse form” type letters and send them back. J It amused me to no end imagining the prude on the other end being shocked at what she read!

Wow I wonder.. do most people blogs spin this far out of control that you forget the initial reason you started writing? I really don’t know because I don’t really understand why writing blogs are so interesting to people and why blogs from complete strangers are so interesting for people to read?
Anyway maybe the next time I post I can continue onto the 15 different applications like Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and more that I must open to keep up with the world and all my unknown friends in it.